Stephen Li

If X Were Hired Like Programmers

It's hard to imagine that I'll be graduating in about a year and two months from now. As I start to search for my 6th and final co-op this September, I started to reminisce about all of my past interviews.

Some of them were great and others not so great. Apart from the interviews that I knew I failed miserably in, there were also a couple of terrible interviews that made me want to walk out of the room. I distinctively remember one interviewer back in first year that asked me to find all the syntax errors on a printed sheet of code. Looking back, that particular interview reminded me of the If Carpenters Were Hired Like Programmers joke...

If Were Hired Like Programmers

Interviewer:
So, you're a backend developer, are you?
Backend Developer:
That's right, that's what I do.
Interviewer:
How long have you been doing it?
Backend Developer:
Ten years.
Interviewer:
Great, that's good. Now, I have a few technical questions to ask you to see if you're a fit for our team. OK?
Backend Developer:
Sure, that'd be fine.
Interviewer:
First of all, we're working in a subdivision building a lot of web applications. Have you built a lot of React web applications before?
Backend Developer:
Well, I'm a backend developer, so I build web applications, and people pretty much use whatever JavaScript framework they want.
Interviewer:
Yes, I understand that, but can you give me an idea of how much experience you have with React frontend? Roughly.
Backend Developer:
Gosh, I really don't know. The backend is usually separated from the frontend so I don't care what JavaScript framework is used. Maybe six months?
Interviewer:
Six months? Well, we were looking for someone with a lot more React frontend experience, but let me ask you some more questions.
Backend Developer:
Well, OK, but frontend is frontend, you know.
Interviewer:
Yes, well. What about databases?
Backend Developer:
What about it?
Interviewer:
Have you worked much with MySQL?
Backend Developer:
Sure, PostgreSQL, MongoDB, MSSQL -- you name it.
Interviewer:
But how many years of MySQL do you have?
Backend Developer:
Gosh, I really don't know -- was I supposed to be counting the MySQL?
Interviewer:
Well, estimate for me.
Backend Developer:
OK, I'd say I have a year and a half of MySQL.
Interviewer:
Would you say you're an entry level MySQL guy or a MySQL guru?
Backend Developer:
A MySQL guru? What's a MySQL guru? Sure, I've used MySQL.
Interviewer:
But you're not a MySQL guru?
Backend Developer:
Well, I'm a backend developer, so I've worked with all kinds of databases, you know, and there are some differences, but I think if you're a good backend developer...
Interviewer:
Yes, yes, but we're using MySQL, is that OK?
Backend Developer:
MYSQL is fine! Whatever you want. I'm a backend developer.
Interviewer:
What about MySQL Enterprise?
Backend Developer:
What about it?
Interviewer:
Well we've had some MySQL backend developers in here, but come to find out they weren't MySQL Enterprise backend developers. Do you have MySQL Enterprise experience?
Backend Developer:
Sure, a little. It'd be good to have more for my resume, I suppose.
Interviewer:
OK. Hang on let me check off the box...
Backend Developer:
Go right ahead.
Interviewer:
OK, one more thing for today. We're using USB 3.0 to version control. Have you used USB 3.0?
Backend Developer:
[Turning white...] Well, I know a lot of backend developers are starting to use flash drives to version control since computers became mainstream, but you know, to be honest I've had more luck with Git. Or SVN, for that matter. I find flash drives to be inefficient because only one person can use it at a time, and it's harder to undo changes.
Interviewer:
But other companies are using flash drives. Are you saying flash drives don't work?
Backend Developer:
No, I'm not saying flash drives don't work, exactly, it's just that I think Git will work better.
Interviewer:
Well, our designers have all started using flash drives, and they like it.
Backend Developer:
Well, sure they do, but I version control all day, and -- well, look, I need the work, so I'm definitely willing to use flash drives if you want. I try to keep an open mind.
Interviewer:
OK, well we have a few other candidates we're looking at, so we'll let you know.
Backend Developer:
Well, thanks for your time. I enjoyed meeting you.

Next day...

Interviewer:
Hello?
Backend Developer:
Hello, remember me? I'm the backend developer you interviewed for the MySQL Enterprise job. Just wanted to touch base to see if you've made a decision.
Interviewer:
Actually, we have. We liked your experience overall, but we decided to go with someone who has done a lot of work with React frontend.
Backend Developer:
Really, is that it? So I lost the job because I didn't have enough React frontend experience?
Interviewer:
Well, it was partly that, but partly we got the other fellow a lot cheaper.
Backend Developer:
Really -- how much experience does he have?
Interviewer:
Well, he's not really a backend developer, he's a car salesman -- but he's sold a lot of enterprise cars and he's worked with java-colored interiors before.
Backend Developer:
[click]